literally had 100 drinks last night.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize