Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
