Non-Jews are for practice
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
