are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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