dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Found your dick twin last night
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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