white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize
