He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just cut my nipple shaving
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
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