curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
