no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
