Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
