So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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