I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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