he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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