The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
