I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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