omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
