Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
