Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
