Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
