girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
