Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We're too hungover to prance.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
