hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My cat gives me a boner
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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