Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
