so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
