wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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