I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
