your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
