I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
