She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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