the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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