weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I said "one day" and that day is not today
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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