look no pants
He uses pillows to masturbate.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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