chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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