She said her name was "party"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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