the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
