I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
