he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
As shirtless as possible
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
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