i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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