omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
