You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
