Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
