All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
