yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Non-Jews are for practice
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
