you guys were way drunker than both of me
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so let's talk penis.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
