I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
