just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
