I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
