I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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