dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
