Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
