Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
