i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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