I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize