I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
