We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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