You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
