in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
