It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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