i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
