Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize