1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
