I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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