I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She's the barista slut.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
