I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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