so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
