Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
