just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
