i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
