Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You dont lie about slip and slides
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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