Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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