he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize