see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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