You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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