i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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