Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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