Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
