the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
honey bunches of taint.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
