her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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