I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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